Looking Back On Life, Going Forward With Love

November 16, 2014

 

By Christopher Marsala

 

Before I delve into details about my love journey, I’d love to share some juicy details of a weekend travel adventure I just had to the very Bohemian, up-and-coming city of Prague in the Czech Republic.

 

All my life, Prague has been one of those cities that I heard about in movies or in fleeting conversations about travel, and I made it my mission to visit this fabulous city while studying abroad. And it has a cool name, right? “Prague…” it almost evokes a sort of regal presence and individuality.

 

My favorite moment of the trip was viewing the world-renown John Lennon Wall, just across the river from Prague’s Old Town Square. The moment I beheld its colorful, vibrant, rebellious splendor, I welled up with tears. Peace signs, red hearts, rainbow colors, expressive statements—ranging from the inspirational “Everyday’s Another Chance” to the hilarious “A Whale’s Vagina”—were layered one on top of the other, in a brilliant, magical display of collective human artistic expression.

 

It’s hard to believe that one prominent member from The Beatles had such an influential impact on young Czech people who were rebelling against the tyranny of 1980s Communism. Even though authorities would expunge graffiti drawings and paintings on the wall, they couldn’t stop the collective creative power of the Czechs. They won in the end, without any violence or bloodshed. I dig their gutsiness.

 

In retrospect, the reason the John Lennon Wall had such an emotional impact with me is because it is the physical embodiment of who I desire to become in this lifetime: colorfully rich, artistically realized, and a bridge for human interconnectedness. And, of course, the multi-arrayed rainbow variety of colors represents the LGBT community that I am grateful to belong to. 

 

"For me, coming out of the closet in high school to my friends and family transformed my life in the most magnificent way. That’s the moment I became the Chris that many of my loved ones know today. "

 

It’s such an awesome feeling to reflect and remember that’s when I consciously chose to bring forth the fullness of my electric, crazy, sexy mojo.

 

Looking back on “past loves,” I’ve found that most of the time I’ve simply fallen for guys I couldn’t have or possibly be with. Hot muscular jocks, raging rebel dudes, charming straight guys—and how could I not? Part of youth is enjoying (male) beauty, in all of its shapes and sizes. And truthfully, it was, and still is, amusing to fantasize about gay love experiences that are hot, hot, HOT! My heart beats faster, my stomach soars with delight, and I lose myself in imaginative ecstasy. Mmm, mmm, delicious!

 

Nevertheless, these mind-entrancing fantasies—and trust me, they are definitely mind-entrancing—are now being replaced with a deeper, stronger desire on my end for a real, tangible relationship with a boyfriend. And my perceptions of gay relationships are changing, too.

 

Amidst watching more LGBT-themed romance comedies, reading about the Renaissance history of homoeroticism for class, and even seeing rainbow umbrellas everywhere I go in Florence, I’m seeing more evidence of how ubiquitous gay relationships really are, and this has personally given me renewed enthusiasm and passion for the “love hunt.”

 

While there are numerous beliefs and perspectives that are changing within me, I’d say the one that’s significantly transforming the way I view love is that romance between two gay guys (at least, for my age) is harder to find. 

 

Even when I came out, I knew that gay and lesbian relationships existed from TV shows, plays, and books that I’d read and seen. But in real life? I thought it was a game of hide-and-seek, except the cute gay boys were wickedly talented at hiding while I was perpetually seeking, huffing and puffing like a marathon runner.

 

You could sometimes find me calling out to the universe for backup support: “Helloooooo? Anybody up there? Where are the men at?!?! GIVE ME A SIGN!!!”

 

I have a secret confession for you: I do believe in true love—gay, straight, and everything in between. Seeing two gay men love each other takes me to a place beyond warm and fuzzy feelings: it makes my heart explode with joy and brings me back to a deep, emotional space of complete and utter spiritual unity. It’s like connecting with my spirit animal, except this spirit animal is freakin’ sexy and makes me want to do naughty things while engaging in hardcore cuddle time. (Disclaimer: I do NOT know my spirit animal, but the moment I find out I’ll let you know. There will be an Instagram post, pinky promise.)

 

I wish that I could say that a gaggle of men were asking me on dates, or discuss some wildly radical experience that changed EVERYTHING I thought I knew about love.

 

"Truth is, I can’t always measure change by external activity or sequence of events. Sometimes, it just comes down to simply acknowledging that I am changing, and honoring the fact that I’m headed in a direction that will ultimately bring me great happiness and satisfaction in love."

 

In the meantime, I can just live my life as an open-ended question and let the answer come to me. Luckily, I already know the answer—which, coincidentally, is sung by The Beatles: “All You Need is Love.”

 

 

 

 

Chris Marsala, Love Blogger

Curious, excited, and passionate about life’s possibilities, writer and blogger Christopher Marsala can think of no better way to share his life experiences than through the (online) written word. When it comes to matters of the heart, he believes that having faith in the Universe, loving oneself, and using his playfully seductive witticisms are a divine trifecta for for attracting romantic success.

Chris' blog, "It All Starts With Amore!" chronicles his journey to understand the meaning of love in his life while studying abroad. His first destination, Italy, brought him his first kiss. This was the singular moment of self discovery that changed everything. 

 

 

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