My Young Heart & "Hollywood"

January 24, 2015

 

Valentine’s Day. It’s coming!!!

 

Even with the knowledge that the month of January is more than halfway over, it’s inevitable that the day for celebrating love is upon us. And for the first time in awhile, I’m much more excited about V-Day!

 

February 14th is a day about celebrating love, but love as it exists in ALL of its forms. Whether that’s a long-time BFF friendship or a father-daughter family bond, this day of love isn’t exclusively for romantic relationships.

 

 

"I used to get caught up in that mental trap—that I had to have a “special someone” to share that day with."

 

No wonder I always felt so anxious and uncomfortable, stuffing chocolate anything in my mouth with ferocious rapidity. This year, I’m glad to say that I’ll have a different perspective on love and will be much happier because of it. If all else fails, Fifty Shades of Gray is coming out on Valentine’s Day, so I’ll be having #feels. Many, many wonderful #feels.

 

The more I explore this rainbow-splashed terrain of wild adventures in romance and love, the more clearly I see what it is I desire most. That, my friends, is an inspiring guy to share my life with. Call me old-fashioned, but I do believe in long-term relationships. Don’t misunderstand me: I’m definitely in an exploratory phase of dating and hooking up with (I mean, “getting to know!”) young gay men.

 

Like a quirky, enthusiastic scientist, I’m ready to experiment and see where this new chapter in my love life will take me. At the end of the day though…I always find myself with this vision of a magnificent, spiritual partnership, and I really get curious about what it would feel like to experience that total blissful union.

 

That’s when I turn to gay Hollywood couples. I feel lucky to be seeing so many famous celebs getting betrothed to each other and putting a ring on it, officially: Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi, Lance Bass and Michael Turchin, Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka. Even Sam Smith, that dazzling vocal angel who is now famous for singing about his past heartache, has a new boyfriend  in his life, model Jonathan Ziezel. Seeing so many gay and lesbian unions, both through marriage and romantic circumstance, inspires within me hope for future LGBT marriages.


Recently, I was watching Ellen DeGeneres’ interview with wife Portia de Rossi, and I couldn’t help but smile and crack up through the entire video. Ellen was just about to ask Portia a serious question, and then asked, “Why do you leave your socks on the edge of the bed?” Just hearing that lit me up with laughter. I could see it; Ellen and Portia really love each other. That’s the kind of love that stirs my soul, and I get tingly feelings just imagining what it would be like to know someone for ten years and have them “get me” on such a deep level.

 

In spite of joyful Hollywood matrimonies and matches, I wish that I had more gay and lesbian couple role models in my own life who have loved each other for such a period of time. I’ve certainly grown up with wonderful straight parents whose love for each other was palpable; you could feel it in their eyes, when they hugged and kissed one another.

 

While I can certainly draw upon parts of what I knew growing up about committed relationships from my parents, it’s challenging to visualize what my own gay relationship will look like. Even when viewing gay and lesbian couples that are open to the public eye, it’s not like we’re able to see the day-to-day, “in and out” details of what their relationships consist of. I’m sure there’s plenty of love between a couple like Neil and David, but, most likely there are roadblocks and upsets that they have to work through, like all couples gay OR straight.

 

For me, right now, I run up against my own trials, tribulations, and angst in love and gay romance. And sometimes, I even forget that gay relationships exist, which can be SUPER scary and disheartening. Thankfully, there’s a growing stream of movies and television series that I turn to when I have a mini meltdown.

 

Back in high school, I fell in love with Kurt and Blaine on Glee. Fell. In. Love. Hard. Being a singer/performer, I was so excited to see a gay relationship like theirs blossom over the course of the show, and it gave me a newfound sense of hope.

 

Watching K&B was like projecting myself through the screen, co-creating a virtual reality of what my future relationship could be. I thought to myself, “Wow! If this awesome, tender, magical love stuff can happen for them, it’s definitely going to happen for me.” And when Blaine sang “Somewhere Only We Know” to send Kurt off to his old school? I had such a bittersweet tear fest.

 

This love journey I’ve traversed through has been a crazy and surprising one, to say the least. But one thing that I find myself longing is a roadmap to lead me where I’m going.

 

"I need more of these gay and lesbian relationships to show up, on screen and in real life. I need more older gay and lesbian couples, more multicultural and interracial gay and lesbian couples, more gays and lesbians represented across a wide spectrum of jobs and roles in society."

 

I just need more, period!

 

Even in spite of this seeming lack of a clear-cut trail to that sexy, awesome gay romance, I have unwavering faith that it’s going to happen for me. The love, the intimacy, the soulful connection that I’ve been wanting for so long is coming. For now, I’ll just follow the signposts along the interstate. Perhaps I’ll even get to do some “trailblazing” of my own and forge my own way. Strangely enough, I don’t think I could see myself accomplishing this any other way. “Trailblazing” my path to love…yeah, that sounds like me. ;)

 

Chris Marsala, Love Blogger

Curious, excited, and passionate about life’s possibilities, writer and blogger Christopher Marsala can think of no better way to share his life experiences than through the (online) written word. When it comes to matters of the heart, he believes that having faith in the Universe, loving oneself, and using his playfully seductive witticisms are a divine trifecta for for attracting romantic succes.

 

 

 

 

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