On June 26th 2015, marriage equality officially became a reality, thanks to the Supreme Court of the United States. Let me repeat that in slightly different terms: YAYYYYYY!!!!!!! WE CAN GET MARRIED NOW!!!!!!!!! WOO-HOO!!!! Let the confetti explosions commence all around!!!
I went to New York to celebrate NYC Pride this year, and it was such a rainbow-filled joy to be immersed with LGBT people from all over the city, country, and world…and, naturally, I couldn’t let the occasion go by without visiting Stonewall Inn and kissing a boy or two for good luck and good measure. ;)
Amidst all of the merriment and legal victories, I feel incredibly validated and excited to be alive at this moment in human history. Intuitively, I knew that gays and lesbians were going to be able to marry eventually; there was too much in terms of worldly momentum for it NOT to happen. Case in point: Ireland declared marriage equality before the USA. Ireland! Now, I can’t help but start to ACTUALLY think about my “big day” and when it will happen. Part of me feels calm and secure knowing that I have the right to marry the man I love, while the other part of me is already planning wedding themes, locations, and outfits!
To those FindingCupid readers who have been following my love and romance journey, both abroad and at home in the USA, finding a man to love and share my life with has been chock full of emotional roller coasters. I’ll admit that the day after the decision came out, I had tears running down my face reading the Supreme Court declaration:
“No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice, and family….[these men and women’s] hope is not to be condemned to live in loneliness, excluded from one of civilization’s oldest institutions. They ask for equal dignity in the eyes of the law. The constitution grants them that right.”
Talk about breathtakingly beautiful, eloquent, and validating, right?
The question remains: now that marriage equality has come to pass, how will this change my view of what my own gay relationship will look like?
First, let’s focus on the “marriage matter.”
It’s funny, because I never thought about my wedding day before. Witnessing the win of marriage equality thrilled me, and began to instill those flashing visions of what the day might look like with the family, the friends, and the man who I love around me. This most joyful day of my and my male partner’s life will be filled with food, aesthetic decorations, laughter, music, and sheer bliss for everyone. I picture it simple, intimate with the ones I truly hold dear. I can see my man and I on a beach in San Diego or The Hamptons, barefoot in the sand and surf, dressed in vibrant and colorful sarongs as we share our vows before our cherished loved ones.
Even though my marriage day is years away (I’m waiting until I’m at LEAST 31 years old!), I already feel my romantic dreams have come true. It’s one thing for me to validate my own emotional desires and commitments, but it’s just delicious to have validation and legitimization in the eyes of the law of my home country.
I’ve mentioned in previous blogs that I’ve found it difficult at times to imagine what my own gay relationship will “look like.” Sure, I’m seeing more gay and lesbian celebrity couples, and I’m even witnessing some of my own friends find sweeties of their own. Truthfully though, I don’t have to know what my own romantic partnership will look like. Part of the joy of being human is having creative carte blanche to color your world the way you want it, in all aspects of your life. While it helps to have gay and lesbian “role model” couples, we LGBT individuals are actually super lucky because we can make a relationship be whatever we want it to be!
The whimsical, playful-and-gayful voice in my head asks me: “What is it that you DO want from a relationship then, my darling?”
The truth? I want a Huckleberry Friend.
You’re probably wondering what a “huckleberry” is, so let me explain. There are multiple meanings and historical origins. Around the mid-1800s in the U.S., a huckleberry was considered a small unit of measure; conversely, it also had denigrating connotations to describe a person who was unimportant, of lower social standing. However, over time the meaning of “huckleberry” morphed into an affirmative declaration (“I’m your huckleberry” means “I’m your man/woman for the job”) and then a term of endearment (“huckleberry friend,” à la the song “Moon River” from the movie Breakfast at Tiffany’s). Urban dictionary hits closest to its essence: “A very special, good friend that’s been in your life for years, typically since youth.” Huckleberries are also associated with a lazy, carefree boyhood, the kind where you can spend hours picking them in the warm July sun, stopping by a river for a dreamy mid-afternoon snooze. And, since wild huckleberries aren’t easy to find, they describe someone who is unique or special.
Wild, carefree, lazy, dreamy…these words all cut to the essence of what I hold dearest to my heart-filled hopes for everlasting love with another dude. Being able to curl in his arms for an afternoon nap or a long night’s sleep. Sprawling out barefoot on the grass in the summer sun with a picnic feast before us. Swimming wild and naked in a secret spot that only we know, just the two of us. Going on adventures that are crazy (and even scary!), wondering how we got ourselves into this situation in the first place! But, at the end of the day, I see myself with him, laughing and crying through it all, holding him close to my body and embracing the fullness of our love, our devotion, our commitment to a long life of mutual inspiration and support. Imagining this vision of committed love brings tears to my eyes every time, because it’s real. It’s true. I’ll admit that it hurts sometimes, because I fear it won’t happen. But, as always, I know that life has its own surprises in store for me.
And to answer the grand question I brought before myself, what I’m seeking is a Huckleberry Friend to share my life with.
Let the picking begin.
Chris Marsala, Love Blogger
Curious, excited, and passionate about life’s possibilities, writer and blogger Christopher Marsala can think of no better way to share his life experiences than through the (online) written word. When it comes to matters of the heart, he believes that having faith in the Universe, loving oneself, and using his playfully seductive witticisms are a divine trifecta for for attracting romantic success.