Why do we constantly find ourselves taking the wrong people back into our lives? We justify the shitty things they’ve done to us, we lie to ourselves about how much hurt they’ve dealt us and we “forget” about how great it felt to break it off in the first place. It may seem easier to bring back someone who knows you intimately, and you may think “he’s not all bad” and “things weren’t always like this!”
Relationships are hard, and ending them can be even harder. We’re often riddled with thoughts of whether or not we made a wrong decision and find ourselves re-evaluating things. Is this due to a lack of confidence? Is co-dependency to blame here? Is it just guilt?
Don’t question yourself. The best thing you can do is to call it a loss and shut that door tight before your mind and heart boomerang back to them and you start considering giving second chances.
If you ever find yourself in that longing state of mind, snap out of it. These are the definite reasons that you can never take back your ex.
1) You feel the need to lie about them to your friends and family.
As a rule, if you’re not comfortable to be open about your relationship status to others, there’s a degree of shame there. If you can’t handle the fear of scorn and judgment you would feel from those who know what’s best from you, you probably shouldn’t be taking that path. If you believe enough in what you’re doing, and that your relationship with someone is strong and healthy enough to be worthwhile, you have no need to hide it from the world.
2) Their actions after “the end” validated your reason for the breakup.
Oftentimes someone’s true colors come to light once the relationship has ceased, and they feel they have no reason to maintain good report with you. Did he instantly hook up with people you knew to hurt you? Did he admit to things he did while the relationship was still intact that he had been hiding? Was he quick to burn bridges and slam you on social media? These things are permanently damaging and should not be forgiven. Even if you still have feelings for that person, sometimes it’s easiest to let their behavior speak for them, and conclude that you were better off without a person capable of all that.
"If you’re just missing the sex, but you can’t imagine sharing a meal with them or bringing them around coworkers, you don’t really need them back in your life."
3) You’re only missing certain parts of him.
An easy trick to know if you’re truly over someone is to ask yourself: “Am I missing him for both physical and emotional reasons?” If you’re just missing the sex, but you can’t imagine sharing a meal with them or bringing them around coworkers, you don’t really need them back in your life. Similarly, if you wish you had them around as an activity partner or a Target shopping companion, but you just don’t feel any urge to throw them down on the bed and get to business, you’ll end up with a half-relationship where nobody ends up fully satisfied.
Of course it’s hard to grieve any loss, especially when you’ve disconnected from the person you previously shared everything with. It makes sense that we get urges to run back or overlook the reasons that things had to end. It’s important to re-gain a sense of yourself as a single person, no longer tandem to another. This process takes time, and only becomes delayed when you “try again” with somebody when there’s no arguable reason to. Let it go and don’t look back. You owe it to yourself, and the next person who’s lucky enough to have you in their life will get all of your attention once you commit to giving it.
Born and raised in sunny Southern California, Aaron Cordova is a wildly enthusiastic communicator with a background in journalism and event planning. He exudes humor and wit in each interaction with others, and loves nothing more than to entertain while informing. He evokes passion, and loves to share the joy of the things that make him tick; music, fashion, food and love. After several consecutive long-term relationships, he is single and ready for the adventures that await him.