In my last post, I told you about my break up and how I used meditation to help me avoid the coulda-would-shoulda land and the what-if world. Instead of resisting this seemingly awful change in my life, I tried to embrace it and stay open to the possibilities it might bring. I was determined to look at this moment where I’d been emotionally torn apart as an opportunity to put myself back together again as a better more enlightened version of myself.
As many heart broken people tend to do, I started reading and listening to all of the best self-help gurus I could find--Deepak Chopra, Eckhart Tolle, Marianne Willamson, Tony Robins; the list goes on and on. I got a life coach and a therapist. I engaged in daily exercises of meditating, journaling, and setting my intentions. I’d listen to anyone who promised to make me a better, centered, more enlightened person. After some reading, some living, and some reflection over the course of the last 2 years, I compiled the follow list of things that I learned to be true about life and relationships.
1. The higher power (or whatever you call it—the Universe, God) is always looking out for me.
Even when life and its outcomes don’t appear to make sense, God can see the bigger picture that I cannot see.
2. The right people always appear just when I need them.
This truth presented itself over and over again. From the friend who just happened to be in town the weekend of my break up to the old crush that I ran into one night who helped me see what it felt like to get excited about someone again, to my business colleagues who overextended themselves to support me when they saw my shrunken 107 pound frame and the constant glazed over look in my eyes. Every single person showed up at the exact right time.
3. Affirmations really do work.
My ex and I broke up 10 days before I turned 30. To say that my life looked completely different than I thought it would at this age is a massive understatement. I was determined to avoid becoming one of those needy, neurotic women who is stressed about her ovaries getting old and who talks about how “there are no good men left in the world.” That belief was never a reality for me, and I wasn’t about to start allowing it to infiltrate my life now. The day after my break up, I said to my mom, “I’m going to be fine. I have always had the best men in my life. All of my boyfriends have always genuinely loved me, and I never have to deal with douche bags.” This was true, and I thought if I said this enough it would continue to be my reality. As it stands, in the last 2 years, I’ve gone out on a lot of dates, and even the ones that came from online dating sites like Tinder and Ok Cupid have all been good dates. That doesn’t mean every date was magical or that I even connected with them enough to go on a second date. However, every single one of these guys that sat across from me at a coffee shop or a restaurant was a nice, good looking, successful, seemingly genuine person. I’ve never come home and complained about a first date douche bag in my life. In fact, I don’t have a single shithead (male or female) in my life. I don’t allow it. It doesn’t exist for me.
4. You create your reality.
It’s true--you don’t have control over everything, but you can create the framework of your life. What you say and what you feel matters. If you’re negative, you attract more negativity. If you exude positivity, you’re going to get more good stuff in return. The formula is really that simple. This has been proved to me over and over again. So, no matter how sad or mad or defeated you feel, try to turn that frown upside down in any way that you can because your surroundings will do the same. I resist this sometimes. Sometimes, I pretend like I know more than the divine. Some days when I’m tired and I’m overworked and I’m pms-ing, and the full moon is out playing tricks on me and my emotions, I think, “Screw you, universe. You suck this week. Everything is ass backwards, and it’s not because I created it this way. It just is what it is.” But, I’m wrong. The only thing I can offer with certainty is when I change my mindset, my environment changes too. Every. Single. Time.
5. Time heals all wounds.
There’s a reason people still use this cliché. When my ex and I first broke up, I couldn’t imagine how this could be true. When you’re in despair and you feel awful, it doesn’t seem possible that passing time is the key to feeling better. But, it’s true. Each day gets easier, and it starts to rule your mind less and less until one day you wake up and you realize it wasn’t the first thing you thought about when you opened your eyes. And, you celebrate a little bit. And then you go to bed and you realize it only distracted you 10 times that day instead of 20, and you celebrate a little bit more until one day you’re about to go to sleep, and you realize a whole day went by without thinking about that person at all. The moment will come. It just takes time.
6. Each person it doesn’t work out with is leading you to the person it will work out with.
Each disappointment is not a misstep, but rather a stepping-stone towards the big prize. I know this sounds cliché, and it’s certainly difficult to consider this possibility when you’re in the middle of a break up, but it’s actually the one thing I can tell you is 100% true. It’s a fact that you can hold onto and use to comfort yourself in the hardest moments. Remind yourself of all of the times before this when things didn’t work out exactly as you wanted them to. When one door closed, didn’t another one always open?
There were many lessons from this break up, but these revealed themselves to me over and over. I believe wholeheartedly they are true, but it doesn’t mean I always remember them in times of crisis. I still falter and fall back into my old ways of over thinking, self-doubt, and fearing for the worst. But, in those moments, I reread these notes, take a deep breath, and remind myself that everything is exactly as it should be. And, so it is.
Founder of Bare Organic Mixers, Natalie is a 30 year old, single entrepreneur who is simultaneously building a brand, writing a book, and still trying to make quality time to date quality men. Her blog titled, “The Business & Love” will follow her dating adventures one cocktail at a time as she begins to put love first and business second.