It was about 2am when the news started to roll in, things were looking pretty bleak.
To my astonishment, Hillary Clinton, my (twice) presidential candidate had lost the election.
With every minute that past and with “election update” graphic that panned over my tv screen, I sat and watched with utter shock that the unthinkable had just happened.
Donald Trump just won the presidential election.
I had to tear myself away from the television and force myself to go to bed, but I couldn’t stop watching. I kept hoping that at some point I would wake from some bad dream I was having all would be right in the world.
I eventually put myself to sleep, but I never did wake from that horrible dream.
I spent most of Wednesday morning in a trance. I felt numb from head to toe and seemed to be “going through the motions” of the morning while I got ready to head to the office. I kept thinking, maybe a shower could wake me up or a cup of coffee. But nothing would help.
In protest, I cancelled my meetings and stayed home so I could see Hillary give her concession speech. In that moment, it was like my champion, my president, was breaking up with me.
You see, Hillary and I had been in a long term relationship. Since the day she became First Lady with Bill, since she wrote that first book “It Takes a Village” and over the last decade of her public service, where my young teenage self would first discover her, I have loved her for many years.
When Hillary first ran for President in 2008, It was like hearing the boyfriend you’ve been dating for far too long finally ask you to move in together. Sadly, she would lose to Obama that election. That was hard. Like, I got my shit all packed in boxes and in the U-Haul, then that boyfriend pulled the plug- hard.
Then, 18 months ago, we tried it again. It was like that same boyfriend asked you to marry him and you’re not only moving in together, but you’re also talking about having kids.
Shit was finally going the right way.
Until it didn’t.
This time, I was left at the alter with no explanation. Just a room full of people waiting for a wedding and there was no groom in sight. But even worse than that, it was like some random stranger who you didn’t know (and despised immensely) kicked you out of your own wedding and married some gold digging hooker – RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!
To make matters worse, the next day you get a voicemail on your cell telling you how he’s sorry we couldn’t make things happen.
Ok, so maybe I took that metaphor a little too far, but that’s how I feel in the days of the post Hillary loss. Depressed, sad, alone and lethargic.
It’s really like I was just dumped.
I was driving to work yesterday and I some random song came on and I don’t know what it was, but I started crying. Like, sad crying.
All jokes aside, America we are grieving.
This sadness is because, we have had forward movement in our great country for the last eight years and this election was truly the opposite.
It was about good vs. evil.
On one hand we had Clinton, a career politician, a woman, and a person whose DNA is made from the fabric of helping and supporting people. And then you have Donald Trump, a man whose entire campaign has been filled with bigotry, bullying, homophobia, misogyny, racism and just plain disrespect for the entire political institution.
All the Hillary supporters woke up to an America we feared. An America that we did not know and an America that is celebrating the fact that they can pick on minorities and it’s ok to do that because their candidate did it and it’s ACCEPTABLE! This is the “great America” that they wanted “again.”
So when people ask me, why am I so sad, the easiest way to explain it is to say that I just broke up with someone I love. Whether that’s the America I used to know, the candidate that I wanted to win or the future that almost was, I am not absolutely sure.
What I do know, is that many of you out there feel the same as I do.
So I will leave you with this quote from the great Maya Angelou in hopes that it helps us all move forward. We may not move quick and we may want to be angry for a while- and that’s ok. But when you are ready, just remember this amazing words….
"History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, but if faced with courage, need not be lived again."
-Maya Angelou
David Cruz, III
David is the Founder and Creative Director of Finding Cupid. He has been writing about Dating & Relationships for the last five years and is a contributor to Huffington Post, Frontiers Media, Your Tango and many other publications. David can often be found in the greeting card aisle searching for the ultimate love card, or a bakery making bad decisions for himself.
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